It's been around 6 1/2 years since I was first diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. Since then I have had to learn how to live with this, and in some ways I feel like I'm just starting to get a handle on it. I used to think that all I had to do was give myself the right amount of insulin for whatever I was eating and then I was fine. To a certain extent that is true, but at the same time I still tend to have issues controlling my blood sugar levels. Despite calculating the right amount of insulin, it may not have been enough for the kind of food that I was eating.
Some of this comes down to cafeteria food. Most of the time I've had diabetes I have also relied heavily on the cafeteria at The Master's College. Not that there is anything seriously wrong with that; in fact, as cafeterias go, it's actually fairly good. The problem was that since I relied on the cafeteria, I didn't think about my overall diet and how it might have been affecting my blood sugar readings. I really only became more conscious of these decisions in my senior year when I really started taking care of my body through consistent exercise and dietary choices (like eating more salads and sandwiches than the heavier entrees offered).
I still am learning the delicate balance with all of this, especially now that I am learning to cook for myself. I've really discovered in the past few months that just using the insulin to cover my carb intake and nothing else is almost like trying to put a Band-Aid on cancer. Outwardly it looks like you're doing something, but the story that you can't see on the inside paints a very different tale.
Allow me some creative license in saying that this is extremely similar to the way that some people address their sin. They take care of any outside consequences to keep their lives looking bright and shiny, while their hearts are turning ever blacker and becoming more corrupt in sin. this has been going on ever since the time of the Israelites and the sacrifices at the Temple. The prophet Hosea tells the nation the words of the Lord: "For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings" (Hosea 6:6). King David also chimes in, saying, "For you [God] will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; for you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise" (Psalm 51:16-17).
The message is clear: sacrifice is only supposed to be the end goal of an overflow of the heart. You bring sacrifices to the Lord because you are convicted of the sin in your heart and bring it before the Lord along with your sacrifice. That is how the law was supposed to work. It didn't take long, though, before the sacrifices became rote and were nothing more than a routine that did not impact the hearts of most of the Israelites.
Jesus also used this "clean on the outside, filthy on the inside" idea when he was talking to the Pharisees.
Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people's bones and all uncleanness. So also you outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness. (Matthew 23:27-28)
Because Christ paid the great once-for-all sacrifice for us, we do not have to offer sacrifices a la the Israelites, but that does not mean that we are also exempt from conviction and confession. Cleaning up your outward life but taking no care for your soul may make you seem fine, but you are slowly wasting away in unrepentant sin. If your heart is not convicted because of your sin and you are not brought to your knees in confession to the Lord, then anything you do on the outside has no value. Pride will even start to seep in because you think you "took care of your problem."
As fallen humans, our natural tendency is to look for our own way to deal with whatever is convicting us, and then prayer is seen as a last resort. I implore you all (and myself) to seek to view things the other way around. We cannot do anything but clean up the outside of our problem that won't ultimately last. Only God can cut into our souls and deal with the primary issue. Let Him do it. Make Him your first choice, and not a last resort after all your attempts fail.
Arguably my favorite book in the Chronicles of Narnia series is The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, and one of my favorite parts in the book is when Eustace Scrubb, having been turned into a dragon, tells the story of how he became a human again. He speaks of how a lion arrived and told him to follow it to a well. The lion then tells Eustace he must bathe, but he has to undress first. Eustace realizes the lion means to shed a layer of his snakelike skin, and so he does; but the skin underneath that layer is just the same as the one previous. This keeps happening until the lion tells Eustace that he must let the lion undress him. Now we hear from Eustace's own words:
The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began peeling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off. ... Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off -- just as I thought I'd done it myself the other three times, only they didn't hurt -- and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly-looking than the others had been. And there I was as smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been. Then he caught hold of me -- I didn't like that much for I was very tender underneath now that I'd no skin on -- and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain had gone from my arm. And then I saw why. I'd turned into a boy again.
If you've read the series you know that the lion is Aslan, who serves as a type of Christ in the world of Narnia. Only Aslan could treat the deeper problem Eustace had, just like Christ is the only one who can treat our deeper problem. It will most definitely hurt, especially as you continue to see layers of sin you didn't realize were there, but it will feel much more pleasant in the long run. Let Christ cut deep into your life; don't try to do it yourself.