Exactly one month after I wrote a blog about how I was going to be moving to Minnesota, I officially arrived in the Twin Cities after three rather grueling days of travel. That was this past Wednesday. The day after that, my mom (who traveled out with me) and I unloaded my car and moved me into my new home, an apartment in Roseville. Yesterday we shopped around for some furniture and other stuff I didn't have or couldn't fit in my car, as well as started looking for some part-time job opportunities to go along with my position at Beacon of Hope Church. We had just traveled through nine different states and weren't taking a break. I have to say, it's been nice to have some time to just relax and write this blog today. :P
It's hard to express everything that I'm feeling right now. On the one hand, I'm excited to be here and to get started on my career. I'm currently sitting across from one of my roommates who is aggressively studying Matthew 7. This morning I had my first rehearsal with the worship team from Beacon of Hope for tomorrow's morning service, and it went really well (especially considering how flustered I've been all week). I'm so glad and grateful that the Lord has lined everything up so perfectly in getting me out here, and keeping me and my mom safe on the drive out.
And yet, the other half of me is really struggling with everything that's going into this move. In three days, I successfully packed my belongings into my car and drove 2000 miles away from everything that I've known up to this point in my life. It took me a few minutes to stop crying after saying goodbye to my dad and my brother the morning I left. I'm very grateful that my mom came out with me, otherwise I may have cried the whole way to Minnesota. I might have even turned around as I was driving at least once if she hadn't been there. But soon my mom will be flying back to California, and then I'll really be on my own. What an incredibly daunting idea.
As much as I talked a big game about being ready and excited to move out here to Minnesota, I wasn't. And I knew that. It all came to a head the last night of the road trip as we were driving through Iowa. My mom and I got talking about the sunset, and she mentioned how she had forgotten how special California sunsets can be, especially thanks to its proximity to the ocean. Not long after that, we got talking about my brother Aaron and how my mom thought it was high time the two of them took a trip to Disneyland. That did it. I tried my hardest to keep the tears from falling, but they rolled anyway. It's hard thinking about being so far away from the people that have been my rock for the past 22 years.
I'm not ready. I'm scared. I'm nervous. But that's okay. If big changes like this were easy, we wouldn't value them as much in our lives. The only thing that I can really stand secure in right now is the fact that God has placed me here. It's been obvious from the start. He knew that this is where He wanted me. That's why I had less than no luck finding a job in California. That's why He gave me such close friends who told me about this job in the first place. I don't know the whole story just yet, but I know that it is God who is writing it. If it had been up to me, I think by now I might have just packed everything back up again and started for California. This whole experience so far has been a demonstration of my human weakness, and God's power perfected through it.
I may not be fully ready, but I am adequately prepared, whether I realize it or not. The Lord has been guiding me to this point my whole life.
It was providentially appropriate that the last song we sang at my home church the day before I moved was Chris Tomlin's "I Will Follow." If you don't know the song, the chorus goes like this: "Where You go, I'll go / Where You stay, I'll stay / When you move, I'll move / I will follow You / Whom You love, I'll love / How You serve, I'll serve / If this life I lose / I will follow You." The Lord has brought me out here to serve Him and His people out in Minnesota. Because of his goodness and for His glory, I will do my best to honor Him in my work here. Humanly it will almost too hard to handle, but eternally there's nothing better.
A simple servant of the Master.